Crimson Beginnings – My First Period Story
This sharing is from Lekha, a volunteer at Eco Femme who found her time working with us “life changing” <3
“In the quiet of her first period, she discovered the poetry of her body, the untold verses of her femininity, and the infinite possibilities that lay before her.”
It was a sunny day in London and I was greeted with spots of blood in the morning that only made my day grey. My summer vacation marked the start of my period and my journey into womanhood.
As a newly minted girl of 13, I was aware of menstruation as my mother had sat me down for a “talk” just before I hit puberty. Even though my mother had helped me to understand the anatomy of a woman, how to use a pad, about mood swings and pain – the “talk” coming to life was still daunting. Most of the talk I’d heard about menstruation was surrounded by societal taboos and shame. No one talked about the topic freely.
A series of questions played in the back of my mind on a loop… what if I stain myself? How will I cope with cramps? Will I be able to play tennis? Do boys go through anything similar? Will I have to take a day off from school? Why is this happening to me, God? With these questions, I looked at the four crimson dots with fear, anxiety, and disgust.
I was scared. The knowledge that I would bleed every month for the next fifty-something years made me cry, anxiety creeping up my spine. I went to my mother in tears for a comforting hug while my brother sat in the corner awkwardly munching on something. My father gave me a smile of reassurance which he gives when he wants to say that everything will be fine. I still remember what my mother told me, whispering “You are in charge of your own body and there is no shame attached to menstruation. It only strengthens a woman, and your journey has only just begun.” I feel so blessed that my family was always there to answer all my “what ifs” and they supported me through the “hows” that I faced while growing up.
But I was in the middle of two worlds; a world where menstruation was empowering, a part and parcel of life, and an insecure world where my friends stayed at home because of the fear of staining and embarrassing themselves. Peers and cultural narratives are influential.
If my first experience of spotting in London was the trailer, the next time my period came it was a full-blown Bollywood drama; scenes of howling with tears running down my face and clutching my lower abdomen to ease the pain. But by the end of the day, I was sleeping next to my grandmother hugging the pallu of her saree, feeling all the comfort of her love. I knew the saree pallu would become my strongest pain-killer for the years to come and it did, coupled with a few warm hugs of love and chocolate.
It’s the initial years after a big change that young women need the most attention and care. I was insecure for the first few years, but slowly I became more comfortable because I received the knowledge and care from the women around me.
Disposable pads became a visitor whom I would see for a few days every month. But I made an important change for my body and the planet by switching to cloth pads from Eco Femme. When I made the switch, it was like traveling back in time. My next goal is to get used to a menstrual cup which will make the planet happy and I will be happy because I’ll be able to swim while being on my period!
Sharing stories = sisterhood
Fast forward to 2023 and I am sitting with my grandmother, ready to read out my first-period story and revisit that shared first, where she was so comforting.
My grandmother calls my experience a privilege. She did not receive prior education, did not know what to use, and was all alone when she started her period one evening. Her first period was traumatic; she recalls being scared. Luckily, her aunt came to the rescue and taught her how to sew and use cloth pads.
My grandmother stressed the fact that nowadays menstruation has been normalised to an extent but during the 1950s there was a deep-rooted stigma and taboo attached to menstruation. “It was difficult to go out during the days when I used to bleed”, she said sadly. My 86-year-old grandmother’s experience shocked me to the core.
I checked my privilege after hearing my grandmother’s narrative. It was easy to crib when I got my first period but difficult to see how blessed I was with the information, education, and support that my mother provided. My grandmother is an important key. A part of the turning, the cultural shift, from her story to mine. From dirty blood and fear to sacred bleeding and knowing. To the comfort, joy, and sisterhood that come with sharing. Sharing my story and hearing my grandmother’s story became a bridge of connection. An act of sisterhood.
My first period brought doubt, confusion, melancholia, and anxiety alongside warmth, love, and acceptance. I have realized that our fears can fade away if we gain some knowledge about the thing bothering us. The teachings that my mother and grandmother imparted were so powerful. Their love and compassion were the perfect guides.
A message for my younger self…
After seven years of menstruating, I want to tell my scared 13-year-old self that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will find your rhythm. The journey of being a woman in this world is not easy, but it gets better once you start looking out for yourself and your body.
As Lorelai Gilmore said, “Look around, it’s not scary anymore.”
Breathe and look out for yourself.
Find yourself amidst the chaos of taboos and societal norms – they don’t matter. You are one of the lucky ones who is surrounded by people who can answer your questions of dilemma.
Embrace womanhood and enjoy its beauty because your body is ‘wonder’ and you are its keeper.
